Sardar jee

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once a Sardar was waking he had a gloves on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day. His distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?) The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car
people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)
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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also
died.

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
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Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering - Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?
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Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ..
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Sardar – Dusri side tera baab dalega kya????

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A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question :-

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
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A Sardar was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle, why?
Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end
but also its beginning !

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Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table &
says - What a shit ? "I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.

Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone
Directory....
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2 Days of Power cut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....

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Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?
Sardar angrily said, i know - it means....

S - Sardaron ke
M - Mazak udane ki
S -Service
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Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?
Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!

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A Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office
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2 sardars talking during diwali 1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to
Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ? 2nd: Kyonki
hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche

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A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !

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koi apni biwi ka ! antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki
achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui. dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pohanch gayee
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Man: How was your exam today ? Sardar: Fine, except for one
question which was difficult Man: Which one ? Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ? I thought...i thought ...i thought about it and wrote THUNK

Santa and banta

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya ...?


Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!


Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon... Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya
Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya ..!


Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

It's all in the fridge

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late... I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

MY Hobby Is To See Bubble In The Bathtub.

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all
there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the
spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in
the bathtub."

Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be
sincere. Ok next."

This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is
to see bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be
able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please."

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."

Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok
next."

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."

Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok
next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."

Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Madam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath
three times a day."

Courtesy: Pramod Aryal

Store selling husband and wife

A store that sells new husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the floors. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!. Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor anyway, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


Floor 1 - has wives that love sex..
Floor 2 - has wives that love sex and have money.
THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH AND SIXTH FLOORS HAVE NEVER BEEN VISITED.

Prison Vs Office

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.

IN PRISON: A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.


So what are you waiting for ???
Kill your Boss...and enjoy PRISON and if you are BOSS be careful.

YOU ARE AN SOUTH ASIAN IF.....

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick,tshick, tschick, tschick.

4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at theAirport.

5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.

7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.

8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam)

9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"

11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and
Aunties" will think.

15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions,which never happen.

16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).

20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.

27. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

28. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.

29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

30. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."

31. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.

33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

34. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

35. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.

36. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

38. You have really enjoyed reading this content - pass this info to as many south asians as possible.

Courtesy: Reena Aryal