A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all
there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see
bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the
spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in
the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be
sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is
to see bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be
able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok
next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok
next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Madam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath
three times a day."
Courtesy: Pramod Aryal
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Store selling husband and wife
A store that sells new husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the floors. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!. Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor anyway, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
Floor 1 - has wives that love sex..
Floor 2 - has wives that love sex and have money.
THE THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH AND SIXTH FLOORS HAVE NEVER BEEN VISITED.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Prison Vs Office
IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON: You get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
IN PRISON: A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You can not even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
So what are you waiting for ???
Kill your Boss...and enjoy PRISON and if you are BOSS be careful.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON: You get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK: You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
IN PRISON: A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You can not even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
AT WORK: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
So what are you waiting for ???
Kill your Boss...and enjoy PRISON and if you are BOSS be careful.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
YOU ARE AN SOUTH ASIAN IF.....
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick,tshick, tschick, tschick.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at theAirport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam)
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and
Aunties" will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions,which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick,tshick, tschick, tschick.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at theAirport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam)
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and
Aunties" will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions,which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).
20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.
27. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
28. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
30. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
31. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs when making foreign calls.
33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
34. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
35. All your Tupperware is stained with food colour.
36. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
38. You have really enjoyed reading this content - pass this info to as many south asians as possible.
Courtesy: Reena Aryal
Modern Panchatantra Story
Modern Panchatantra Story
----------------------------------------
Modern Panchtantra Story : [ IT HUMOR ]
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood ( the woodcutter and the axe ), He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was
his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer Asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
********
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Courtesy: Jivnath Acharya
----------------------------------------
Modern Panchtantra Story : [ IT HUMOR ]
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood ( the woodcutter and the axe ), He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was
his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said " Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer Asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
********
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends , it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Courtesy: Jivnath Acharya
Junk Gita
Junk Gita
---------------------------------------
Krishna : Apne se badon ke email ka aadar samman karna seekho, Arjun.
Arjun : Main apne hi kul ke aadarniya logon ko JUNK EMAIL kaise bhej sakta hoon, Vasudev?
Krishna : Is samay yeh tumhare mitra ya shatru nahi hain Paarth. Vey keval mail-users hain. Isliye Net-dharm ka paalan karo. Login karo our bhejo junk mail by the dozen - yahi tumhara kartavya hai aur yahee tumhara dharm hai.
Arjun : Hey Muraree! ise dekh kar to lagata hai mein software industry hee chod doon.
Krishna : Vats tum mohmaya mein fass gaye ho. Is jagat mein na koi tumhara hai, na tum kisi ke ho. Tum se pahle bhee ye junk mail thee or tumhare baad bhee rahegee. Is mohmaya se ooper utho, karm karo. Dhanadhan junk mail bhejo.
Arjun : Kintu, iska parinam kya hoga, hey Devaki nandan ?!
Krishna : Vijay ya parajay tumhare vash mein nahi hai. Issliye parinam ke bare mien sochna band kar do. Tumhe Guru Dronacharya ne junk-shastra ki siksha dee hai use nasht mat hone do...
Arjun : Hey Keshav, Junk mail ka system se kya connection hai ?
Krishna : Junk mail junk mail hi hai, iska hardware se koi naata nahin. Haan yeh alag baat hain ki woh System ko overload kardeta hain.. Disk bhar deta hain.. Tumhara kaam iske baarein mein sochna nahin hain..Jis tarah se aatma ek sharir ko chod kar doosre mein pravesh karti hai,usi tarah se junk mail bhi system to system travel karta hai.
Arjun : Junk mail ki paribhasha kya hai?
Krishna : Isse na agni jala sakti hai, na varun bhiga sakti hai, na hi yeh jeeta ja sakta hai na hi haaraya ja sakta hai. Isse bhejne wale ka swayam Mahadev bhi kuch nahi bigad sakte hain. Junk mail amar hai.
Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Abhi mere saare fande clear ho gaye hain. Yashoda nandan aapne meree aankhe khol dee, nahin to mein is mohmaya mein pad ker saree junk mail khud hee padh leta.
---------------------------------------
Krishna : Apne se badon ke email ka aadar samman karna seekho, Arjun.
Arjun : Main apne hi kul ke aadarniya logon ko JUNK EMAIL kaise bhej sakta hoon, Vasudev?
Krishna : Is samay yeh tumhare mitra ya shatru nahi hain Paarth. Vey keval mail-users hain. Isliye Net-dharm ka paalan karo. Login karo our bhejo junk mail by the dozen - yahi tumhara kartavya hai aur yahee tumhara dharm hai.
Arjun : Hey Muraree! ise dekh kar to lagata hai mein software industry hee chod doon.
Krishna : Vats tum mohmaya mein fass gaye ho. Is jagat mein na koi tumhara hai, na tum kisi ke ho. Tum se pahle bhee ye junk mail thee or tumhare baad bhee rahegee. Is mohmaya se ooper utho, karm karo. Dhanadhan junk mail bhejo.
Arjun : Kintu, iska parinam kya hoga, hey Devaki nandan ?!
Krishna : Vijay ya parajay tumhare vash mein nahi hai. Issliye parinam ke bare mien sochna band kar do. Tumhe Guru Dronacharya ne junk-shastra ki siksha dee hai use nasht mat hone do...
Arjun : Hey Keshav, Junk mail ka system se kya connection hai ?
Krishna : Junk mail junk mail hi hai, iska hardware se koi naata nahin. Haan yeh alag baat hain ki woh System ko overload kardeta hain.. Disk bhar deta hain.. Tumhara kaam iske baarein mein sochna nahin hain..Jis tarah se aatma ek sharir ko chod kar doosre mein pravesh karti hai,usi tarah se junk mail bhi system to system travel karta hai.
Arjun : Junk mail ki paribhasha kya hai?
Krishna : Isse na agni jala sakti hai, na varun bhiga sakti hai, na hi yeh jeeta ja sakta hai na hi haaraya ja sakta hai. Isse bhejne wale ka swayam Mahadev bhi kuch nahi bigad sakte hain. Junk mail amar hai.
Arjun : Hey Narayan ! Abhi mere saare fande clear ho gaye hain. Yashoda nandan aapne meree aankhe khol dee, nahin to mein is mohmaya mein pad ker saree junk mail khud hee padh leta.
Love Story
A love story
----------------------
A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on
a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
(in the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
If u love any one this much...let them know...before its too late... I love you 4 ever.....and always 2 the end....i cant live without ya.....b-cuz ur my friend.....
----------------------
A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on
a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
(in the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
If u love any one this much...let them know...before its too late... I love you 4 ever.....and always 2 the end....i cant live without ya.....b-cuz ur my friend.....
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